November 28, 2008

Breakup Manual

The guide to handling, what to expect, etc.

Instead of sulking around wanting to kill yourself read ten points to help you cope (before you start thinking about going lesbian and forming a boycott against all men.)

1) You’re going to hear this from 99.9% of your friends:
“Time will heal.” (Or the other 100 variations of that line.) Just get used to it and believe them. It sucks, but they’re right.

2) Stop thinking that it’s you…unless it really is.
And if it is, then good for you, but if not, stop trying to kick yourself in the butt (which is really hard to do) because you didn’t do anything.

3) Keep busy.
Pick up a new hobby, work out (the endorphins will help you feel better, trust me), apply for another job (one that keeps you busy – I don’t recommend a desk job), adopt a puppy. Keeping busy is the ultimate way to get your mind off things until time (see #1) passes by.

4) Out of sight, out of mind.
Delete his cell phone number (or change the contact name to “loser face”, “ass wipe” or any negative connotation of those listed), delete all his old mushy text messages from when you first started dating..infact, delete them ALL. STOP visiting his myspace/facebook profile 3,259,032 times a day, better yet, stop visiting it period. (It’s helpful to stop logging in altogether.) And steer clear of this path in the social world, if you think you might know where he’s hanging out, go somewhere clear across town from there.

5) Get that liver ready!
This might not be for everyone, but I know when I’m down in the dumps I pick up a bottle of hard liquor and drink that thing until I can fall asleep at night. Ok maybe you don’t need to be a complete alcoholic, but it helps. So about five shots of Grey Goose, two Steinlager Pures, a cape cod, two mango rum and diets, and about a gallon of water so you don’t hang over, later, you’ll be thinking “_________(enter ex’s name here) who?” (Well hopefully it’s that and NOT drunk dialing, texting, voicemail leaving, etc. trust me the next morning you’ll feel awfully stupid because you won’t remember what you were telling him.)

6) Watch dramas and soaps
I’ve been a fan of The Hills for about a year now; I never cared for it before, maybe because I never did give it a chance. I can honestly say I’ve gotten some good advice from that show, advice for not only relationships, but with friendships also. Sometimes it’ll open your eyes because it’s so real (well, hehe, sorta real) and you see how other people go through the same thing and how they deal.

During depression some people don’t feel the need to eat. They just can’t. My advice: EAT! Sure, you’ll look great after losing 10 lbs in two days, but once you start feeling better, binge binge binge! Chances are you’ll gain back those 10 lbs and then some and when you do “accidentally” run in to him (on purpose) you’ll look like hell and want to be an anorexic again.

8) Retail Therapy
Just shop til you drop. By that slutty dress he wouldn’t let you wear, those boots with the heels, make up, accessories, try a new style or jeans cut. Whatever it takes to boost yourself.

9) Music helps…unless it’s songs that remind you of him
When you listen to certain songs, doesn’t it just take you back to that certain time? I can hear songs on the radio that will remind me of high school days, or summer after high school driving in the car to the club. When you listen to music that just reminds you of the times when you were together, of course you’re going to feel sad. Listen to music that you listened to before you were together. That’s why I found it helpful to label my iTunes playlists with month and year. No really, try it.

10) Self-Motivation
Now that you’re single, or as most people like to say (sing it like the rapper) “I-N-D-E-P-E-N-D-E-N-T do you know what that means” use this time to really focus on yourself. This is the time to better yourself, TAKE CHARGE of your life and do things you would never do, broaden your horizons, go the extra mile,

Breakups are hard, that’s why no one really likes to do it, but that’s just life. Stay strong fellow-female! You’ll pull through.

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